and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
