btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
