My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
