Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
