If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
