The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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