So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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