I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
