I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
