Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
