Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
