There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
