'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
