Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Randomize
