This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I would ride that face into the sunset
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
