i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
