I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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