I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
