Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
