I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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