Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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