I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
