Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
