well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize