I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
