he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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