I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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