I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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