You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
