he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize