Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
