I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
