It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
