Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
