She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
