What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize