is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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