My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
