I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize