My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
