Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Randomize
