Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
