He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
