found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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