dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
