I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
