I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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