is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
