420 ftw
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
