This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
