It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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