guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
