Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
