Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
