she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
