Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
