maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
