once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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