my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
