Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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