Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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