You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
