So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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