I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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