I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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