My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We are two peas in an std pod
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize