It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
