If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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