i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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