She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
