I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
