called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
FUCK WHALES
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
