I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
