What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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