i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
