dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Please don't give away my fajitas
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