I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
