I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
