Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Barsexuality is the new black.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
