I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
