god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
