Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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