Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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