His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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