She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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