It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A+ Viking dick
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