The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
