i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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