I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
