mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Found the puke drawer
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
