you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
