Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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